Thursday, 27 March 2008

Oasis

Tonight I am glad to be in the peace of my own home.

This is not a moan. Its me cleansing my emotions after one of the hardest weeks I've had in years. My comfort zone has been ripped wide open in my attempt at a career progression. I have left behind my very close friends and everything I know to embrace change. My new job.

Day one-dull but just taking it all in. I get through. Can I really do this?

Day two-spend the day holding in an emotional torrent which flowed freely from my eyes as I walked home. Making me seem somewhat like a crazy person walking the streets. (thus making me blend in perfectly in the area that I now work.) surely at the age of thirty you just don't walk out of a job after only two days? Am I a quitter?

Day three-sore throat is adding to my misery and my cigarette infused mentor is coughing and sniffing all over me. I come over rather queezy and just as I think I can't go on, fag ash Lil signs off early as her cold is getting to her (you and me both lady!) I spend the afternoon just observing long hours but it is all sinking in slowly. I am not a quitter.

Just want to thank my boy for looking after me and sweetly offering to support me for a while if I really can't stand it. But I really feel I must toughen up and not let my delicate princess persuasions rule my life. I tell myself to Stop being such a baby.

The thought of my wedding is glittering in my mind like an oasis right now. It's getting me through this transitional period of culture shock that I have knowingly inflicted upon myself. But I am not a quitter.

Hope anyone reading this is having a fabulous week, someone's gotta!

6 comments:

P O S I E S said...

Hang in there! It is hard to be vulnerable. I always think that the first week or even month at a new job is just awful. Give it some time first. I've been there.Be good to yourself!!!

deanna said...

thank you for this lovely post. i'm preparing to get married right now myself and am struggling to decide if the career that i've had for several years (my passion, but long hours, measley pay and no benefits) is really the best for me. my mantra lately has also been "i'm not a quitter". and if it makes you feel any better, i also walked home from an errand last week with tears streaming down my face (something very unusual for me). large sunglasses can be a lifesaver. god speed. things will look up.

Nanette said...

Sounds like you need a big virtual hug after a very stressful week. So here it is:
There, any better? I hope so. Sounds like you are being a big brave girl and moving into something new and exciting. Well done!! Next week will be better - keep that chin up!!
xx Nan

donna said...

Oh no, sorry to hear your new job's no good, I know the feeling. Hope things get better.
x

Uncle Beefy said...

Hey Jess...hang in there. If you must. Don't push yourself just for the sake of pushing yourself. Is it really that important? I quit a job after 3.5 days because I simply knew it wasn't right for me. And, to keep a long story short, the aftermath proved that I did the right thing. If it's where you're supposed to be I hope it all smoothes out sooner than later. Take good care. :)

Jane Flanagan said...

I always hate every new job for about 2 months. Like you, I'm usually the go-to girl for answers and I don't do well during the learning curve. But, there's also something to be said for not being a big fish in a small pond. And I think every once in awhile, if you don't feel scared, you're getting smug and complacent. I take this as a good sign that when you get through this, you'll have a fantastic sense of accomplishment!